This article deals with the longing that exists for ‘the other half’ or ‘the soulmate’. That person who is the ideal match for who we are, and when we would meet, it would be wonderful because of how perfect of a match we would be for each other.
I encourage you to read the article. You might not agree in every particular, but the main thrust of the article in how she tries to debunk the soulmate myth is certainly valid. Here’s a quote to bait you:
My marriage is not based on a set of choices over which I had no control. It is based on a daily choice to love this man, this husband that I chose out of many people that I could have chosen to love (in theory, don’t imagine that many others were lined up and knocking at the door). He is not some elusive soul mate, not some divine fullfulment, not some perfect step on the rigorously laid out but of so secret “Plan for My Life.”
We look for God’s leading in life with important decisions, and he has promised that he will lead us. He has given us promises of his guidance to his followers.
Psalm 32:8 – I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will guide you with My eye.
Yet in our lives, God does not typically reveal his will to us through divine revelation printed on the sky. He has already used divine revelation in Scripture to teach us rules to live by and principles to use in making decisions. God wants us to read and study his word, and to use these principles to make the best decisions that we can. We certainly pray along the way and look for confirmations, yet ultimately making scriptural, principle-based decisions is a solid enough foundation for us to use.
And when we have finally found someone who meets this scriptural foundation, we live life with them. It will be good, but it will not be perfect. Conflict will exist. We can allow room for ourselves to believe that God brought us together, and yet still allow room for the other person to be an imperfect human being who does not fully meet our expectations as a partner and yet not be shattered. Our completeness as a person does not have to depend on the healthfulness of our unity with any individual, however close we may be. Instead, we find that completeness in Christ.
We can have a healthy relationship because ultimately we are two human beings traveling together on a path toward Jesus, and we can realize that Jesus is the solution for the imperfections of the other. That realization helps us to relax the weight of expectations we have for the other person to meet our needs, and yet we can still trust them to do that because they will be living the unselfish life of Christ who lived to serve.
Please leave a comment and let me know what you thought of the article, or my comments!
It might seem odd that on this, our one-year anniversary, I am beginning a post with the declaration that my husband is not my soul mate. But he isn’t.
I wouldn’t want to imagine life without James. I enjoy being with him more than anyone else in this world. I love him more than I ever thought you could love someone, and I miss him whenever I am not with him. I wouldn’t want to married to anyone else other than James, which is good, because I plan on being married to him forever, and he has to let me die first.
But I reject the entire premise of soul mates.
Do you remember those awesome Evangelical 90’s/ early 2000’s where Jesus was kind of like our boyfriend and we all kissed dating good-bye because we just knew that God was going to bring us THE ONE and then life…
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Laying Foundations 