I had a friend just send me a link to the following article by Mo Isom for my thoughts: I just got engaged and immediately doubted my decision. Here’s why I still said “yes”… | Mo Isom.
Here’s a short snippet to encourage you to actually read it:
You see, my mind doubted because I was weighed down with the fear of making the wrong choice. Maybe Jeremiah wasn’t “The One”. How would I know for sure? There are things we disagree on. There are things about him that don’t always make me happy. It’s been a challenge, at times, loving him. And I KNOW it’s been a challenge for him to love me. Maybe we’re just compatible and I’m making the wrong decision. How do I know, for sure, that he is my soul mate?!
Even in a mindset that acknowledges the idea that ‘the one’ is a myth, and ‘my soulmate’ as an idea constructed by the media and those that have fairy-romance expectations, the weight of choosing one person to spend the rest of your life with can still cause plenty of stress and anxiety. Remnants of the previously mentioned ideologies still shape our thinking, even if we don’t want them to. “What if I don’t pick the right person? Won’t a wrong choice set me up for a painful life and a failed marriage?”
“What if I don’t pick the right person?” That is almost the right question to be asking. In fact, it could be the right question. If we think that ‘the right person’ is only a single individual that exists in the world, that’s the wrong question. However, if we believe that ‘the right person’ is a compatible individual (which doesn’t have to be a single individual) that is converted, that is the right question.
Ultimately, finding the right individual isn’t the complete picture. Finding the right individual that is committed to Christ is the complete picture. So, in a sense, you’re looking for two people, in a relationship that already exists. If that relationship is going well, you can trust that person with your relationship. Ultimately, it’s God in the relationship, that third individual, that is the safeguard from your own relational demise. If two people are committed to the relationship because they made a vow to God, and in front of God, to love and cherish, and to do their best to encourage the ‘God relationship’ of the other person, that is the key to success.
That way relational failures are not received as personal affronts, and regarded as signs of a doomed relationship. Without God in the relationship, the perspective is, “You are failing me, and I need to protect myself.” With God in the relationship, the perspective is, “There is sin in our lives, and your failure reveals a need for both of us to draw closer to God.” Failure becomes an opportunity for growth, rather than a revelation of an imperfect relationship, that should be replaced by a better relationship with someone else.
In the end, when we face that decision to propose, or to accept a proposal, we give or take that decision based on faith. Our own faith in God and His leading, faith in the other person’s relationship with God, and faith that the other person’s life decisions will continue in the positive direction we have come to expect. There are no promises in life when it comes to relationships. But if we follow God’s leading in the inspired Word, and live by faith derived from that word, we can live our best possible lives, even if those lives contain struggles and disappointments.
God is the perfect one, not your mate. We pursue Him together, in relationship.