Christian Misperceptions About Singleness

I’m currently reading “The Meaning of Marriage” by Timothy Keller, and enjoying it immensely.  It’s really helping me to revisit my opinions about compatibility and the purpose of marriage.

In the chapter “Singleness and Marriage”, Pr Keller references an article by Paige Benton Brown titled, “Singled Out by God for Good.”  She references four misperceptions about the state of being single as a Christian.  Having been in that state for quite a long time, they resonated with me, as I see a number of other young unmarrieds apply them to themselves, or try to apply them to me.

Warped theology is at the heart of attempts to “explain” singleness:

  • “As soon as you’re satisfied with God alone, he’ll bring someone special into your life”—as though God’s blessings are ever earned by our contentment.
  • “You’re too picky”—as though God is frustrated by our fickle whims and needs broader parameters in which to work.
  • “As a single you can commit yourself wholeheartedly to the Lord’s work”—as though God requires emotional martyrs to do his work, of which marriage must be no part.
  • “Before you can marry someone wonderful, the Lord has to make you someone wonderful”—as though God grants marriage as a second blessing to the satisfactorily sanctified.

There’s more I want to say about this, I’m not finding the words for it, so I’ll try later.  Please comment on the above statements; I’d love to hear reactions to it.

4 thoughts on “Christian Misperceptions About Singleness

  1. I find these reasons interesting, I’ve heard of some of them before. I believe that God created marriage, but we live in a sinful world. Personally I can’t explain why I’m single or if I’ll ever get married. I do know that God has provided me with great friends to help with loneliness. I also know that currently my teaching and school involvement takes up most of my life and I’m enjoying it.

  2. I’ve read several of your posts on relationships and have thoroughly enjoyed them. I especially liked what you shared in your response to the Relevant Magazine article about the necessity of going on good dates. I totally agree. You made some really good points. I am developing a website called christian-courtship and would love to address the “what next” after kissing dating goodbye. So thank you for your insights. It has fueled a desire to write a response to some of the questions you raised. As for this article, I have written something that would resonate and compliment what you said here that “being single is not a state of inferiority to being married.” It’s a break down of 1 Corinthians 7. Here is the link. http://www.christian-courtship.com/1-Cor-7.html

    • Thanks for your comments! I’ll have to check out the site. I have a few other relationship posts percolating, but have procrastinated on them because the subject feels heavy.

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